Hope

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace."

"For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do."

"The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works."

Pride's a funny thing, innit?

Eve of Nationals

Wow. It's the night before King Combover, Da Goose, and I fly to Vegas for the National Forensic League 2008 National Competition. (Amazing how imposing that sounds) It's been a busy day of preparation and packing. Even with assistance, the costs of this are becoming very real, and very staggering. I've discovered a nifty invention: Visa Cash cards. They work like a Visa card, but are effectively gift cards. They are replaceable if stolen or lost, so they provide much more peace of mind than cash. (No pickpockets this time...) We're going to be staying at the Sunset Station casino.

One thing I can't seem to get over so far is the scale of everything. The casino is huge, the prices are huge, the everything is huge. I'll post more when I get back as it's rather hard to post about something which has not happened yet.

Potential...

Yeah, it's finally time to do some real posts. Thanks to everyone who tolerated those early poems.

Everything seems to be coming up right now. Graduation, college, the diaspora of friends, jobs, moving out, Nationals, and many other things. Some who know me know my tendency for recursive thinking. I've complained many a time about how if I get left alone for too long that my thought patterns detach. I've been too busy for that, but all of these life events seem to be forcing this same sort of thinking.

I guess I should probably go item by item just to keep some semblance of structure. No sense blog-spewing.

Graduation: One of the "greatest moments" in a person's life. Bleh. I'm not really sure about this one. On the one hand, it is a big deal. Many of my friends are dispersing out into the world, while it feels like I'm just staying here. (More on that later.) Its a symbol of achievement and maturity. On the other hand, it doesn't feel like that much of an achievement. I feel like when it comes to requirements, I could have floated through high school half awake. In some bits, I did.

I know that I'm not exactly average. (I usually try to deny it, but false modesty tends to bother people.) I was accelerated a grade, and yet I am still excelling in IB classes and generally working through high school for lack of a better thing to do. Nevertheless, I still feel like the bar is more of a speed bump than a hurdle. I sit in classes teaching myself things that wouldn't be covered in the class proper for 1-2 years. I play mental games to stave off boredom. What great achievement is it in today's society? Graduating from high school seems like more of a stepping stone for college. Even that is seen as more of a requirement nowadays. I made it through a system which is designed to get me through at all costs. Whoop-de-fucking-do.

What did I get out of the classes which were required? Practically nothing. Anything I learned, I got because of my self-motivation. High school was critical for me. It formed me into what I am and forged who I might be. However, what of that was from the requirements? Woo. I spent half a year learning that "You should pick a career which fits you." I spent almost 2 months learning all the major bones in the body so I could forget them 2 weeks after the exam. I got many great things out of some of my classes. Debate was probably the greatest for me. I learned about charisma, talent, failure, success. I made friends, made mistakes, and made a world where I could care about things that mattered.

On the other hand, I can see that graduating from high school can be a big deal. In some of my social circles, almost nobody is graduating. Some out of boredom with the system, some because life's struggles caught up with them early, some because they wanted to spend more time with their favorite games. Some of them plan on moving past that. Some are just looking forward to their next paycheck. I know that that isn't a local thing as well. Nationally, this is the case. Many schools are cases where graduating students are in the minority.

We are a nation which fears schooling and prefers to squander intelligence and wisdom. I can see that for some people, high school is pointless. It almost is for me. But the best things from high school come from the things outside of curriculums and syllabi. They come from the connections you forge with classmates. They are the squabbles and mistakes we make. They are the life experiences, and the understanding of working within bureaucracies and problems.

I see people dropping out to rush into the workforce. Some people do so to survive, but many people see the short-term payoff and forget the long-term rewards. Sure the minimum-wage paycheck may feel great when everything gets paid for, but how about 10 years later where you're stuck at the same job, trying to keep a roof over your head and food on your plate? I'm going to need to pick up a job for over the summer and for during college, and I understand the need. I don't like it, but I understand. Education is one of those things which shouldn't be barred. I want to learn, so help me do so.

Who will I become? I want to be a programmer, but what will I program? Will I write the next great innovation in Computer Science? Will I create the software which brings about the next Holocaust? Will I become the next visionary in gaming; turning video games into a medium respected such as film, music, or painting? Will I be a mediocre code monkey writing mediocre code at some faceless, nameless corporation?

Ever since I was little, everybody was always telling me that I would be the next Hawking, the next Kucinich, or the next Miyamoto. Now I'm becoming my own cognitive being, and I feel like I'm disappointing everyone. I know that that's what people tell kids, but I feel like I took it to heart a little much. Why am I supposedly destined for greatness?

Will I be remembered for what I do? Will my experiences in debate mean anything more than just a way to pass the time? Will I even stay in computer science? Will I be anyone, or just someone?

I can ride my bike with no handlebars,
I can split the atoms of a molecule,
I can lead a nation with a microphone,
I can end the planet in a holocaust.

I can do,
I can be;
The only thing I can't be,
is me.

What will I end up doing?
Who will I end up being?
I guess I'll find out.