Fireworks, on the Fourth of July

Fireworks, on the Fourth of July

Every year, the birth of our nation is celebrated:

In barbeques and cookouts,

In parties and gatherings,

In professional sports and amateur war.

By day we feast and play in the sun,

By night we talk and watch false suns rise.

Time to watch fireworks

On the Fourth of July.

Friends and family

Old and new

Gather round the flames.

Games are played, and stories are told,

All in subtle order.

Clockwork soldiers long past,

drum an ethereal tattoo.

Pounding beats thump, thump, thumping

On the horizon.

War’s refrain rattles listener’s skulls,

Stirring withered moral fibres for one glorious night.

Thump, thump, thump go fireworks

On the Fourth of July.

But something else stirs this eternal night:

A friend’s return

The tugging of emotions long buried.

Smoldering lust and flickering affection

Once thought extinguished,

Now roar into life once more.

Time, however, has damped this flame

Keeping it contained

Before it could erupt.

There shall be no harsh words tonight,

No fireworks on the Fourth of July.

A glimmer,

A jiggle,

A squeal of glee,

And a shared memory.

Nothing happens

When friends are only friends,

And love is only temporary.

Always the nice guy,

Never her nice guy.

Late nights of talking,

Memories of impaired judgment

Produce hope that perhaps potential still lies within.

Drawing closer,

Bodices warming more than each other,

A furtive pet,

Quick moments,

And slow embraces

All combine to kindle hope

That one day there will be

Real fireworks

On the Fourth of July.

Back from Nationals

Well, I'm back from Nationals. I spent 1 week in Las Vegas with Da Goose, King Combover, and Madmouth. We visited Hoover Dam, the Grand Canyon, and partook of the strip all week. The competition was fierce (as one could expect from Nationals Senate), and nobody ended up breaking. The disappointment of failure was greatly offset by the fact that A: We were in Las Vegas, and B: We got to see the Grand Canyon.

I felt that we all got much closer over the course of the trip, and that it was a fitting 'last hurrah' for us graduating seniors. It was all former seniors, and there was an air of frivolity and trust that was great.

Aah. I'll post with exactly how I did, as soon as I find out myself. (accursed slow NFL people)

Pompous Circumstance

Yeah, I've joined the ranks of society. I've graduated high school, run through the ceremony and posturing, and exited as a high-school graduate. Mrh. Now its off to LCC for (at least for now) the first 2 years of a Comp. Sci degree. I'm probably going to finish it off at the U of O, but I'll finish it somewhere.
Oddly enough, this didn't strike me with the magnitude that I expected. Everyone regards this as some giant event, and it just... happened.

I know the significance of the ceremony, and the party, and everything. I know that I won't see most of my classmates and friends for years, decades, or ever again. I know that all that's left is the last hurrah of the wisemen at Vegas for Nationals. I just haven't had that obligatory "WTF! I'm a graduate!" moment.

Oh well. I guess that knowing about it is enough for now.

Potential...

Yeah, it's finally time to do some real posts. Thanks to everyone who tolerated those early poems.

Everything seems to be coming up right now. Graduation, college, the diaspora of friends, jobs, moving out, Nationals, and many other things. Some who know me know my tendency for recursive thinking. I've complained many a time about how if I get left alone for too long that my thought patterns detach. I've been too busy for that, but all of these life events seem to be forcing this same sort of thinking.

I guess I should probably go item by item just to keep some semblance of structure. No sense blog-spewing.

Graduation: One of the "greatest moments" in a person's life. Bleh. I'm not really sure about this one. On the one hand, it is a big deal. Many of my friends are dispersing out into the world, while it feels like I'm just staying here. (More on that later.) Its a symbol of achievement and maturity. On the other hand, it doesn't feel like that much of an achievement. I feel like when it comes to requirements, I could have floated through high school half awake. In some bits, I did.

I know that I'm not exactly average. (I usually try to deny it, but false modesty tends to bother people.) I was accelerated a grade, and yet I am still excelling in IB classes and generally working through high school for lack of a better thing to do. Nevertheless, I still feel like the bar is more of a speed bump than a hurdle. I sit in classes teaching myself things that wouldn't be covered in the class proper for 1-2 years. I play mental games to stave off boredom. What great achievement is it in today's society? Graduating from high school seems like more of a stepping stone for college. Even that is seen as more of a requirement nowadays. I made it through a system which is designed to get me through at all costs. Whoop-de-fucking-do.

What did I get out of the classes which were required? Practically nothing. Anything I learned, I got because of my self-motivation. High school was critical for me. It formed me into what I am and forged who I might be. However, what of that was from the requirements? Woo. I spent half a year learning that "You should pick a career which fits you." I spent almost 2 months learning all the major bones in the body so I could forget them 2 weeks after the exam. I got many great things out of some of my classes. Debate was probably the greatest for me. I learned about charisma, talent, failure, success. I made friends, made mistakes, and made a world where I could care about things that mattered.

On the other hand, I can see that graduating from high school can be a big deal. In some of my social circles, almost nobody is graduating. Some out of boredom with the system, some because life's struggles caught up with them early, some because they wanted to spend more time with their favorite games. Some of them plan on moving past that. Some are just looking forward to their next paycheck. I know that that isn't a local thing as well. Nationally, this is the case. Many schools are cases where graduating students are in the minority.

We are a nation which fears schooling and prefers to squander intelligence and wisdom. I can see that for some people, high school is pointless. It almost is for me. But the best things from high school come from the things outside of curriculums and syllabi. They come from the connections you forge with classmates. They are the squabbles and mistakes we make. They are the life experiences, and the understanding of working within bureaucracies and problems.

I see people dropping out to rush into the workforce. Some people do so to survive, but many people see the short-term payoff and forget the long-term rewards. Sure the minimum-wage paycheck may feel great when everything gets paid for, but how about 10 years later where you're stuck at the same job, trying to keep a roof over your head and food on your plate? I'm going to need to pick up a job for over the summer and for during college, and I understand the need. I don't like it, but I understand. Education is one of those things which shouldn't be barred. I want to learn, so help me do so.

Who will I become? I want to be a programmer, but what will I program? Will I write the next great innovation in Computer Science? Will I create the software which brings about the next Holocaust? Will I become the next visionary in gaming; turning video games into a medium respected such as film, music, or painting? Will I be a mediocre code monkey writing mediocre code at some faceless, nameless corporation?

Ever since I was little, everybody was always telling me that I would be the next Hawking, the next Kucinich, or the next Miyamoto. Now I'm becoming my own cognitive being, and I feel like I'm disappointing everyone. I know that that's what people tell kids, but I feel like I took it to heart a little much. Why am I supposedly destined for greatness?

Will I be remembered for what I do? Will my experiences in debate mean anything more than just a way to pass the time? Will I even stay in computer science? Will I be anyone, or just someone?

I can ride my bike with no handlebars,
I can split the atoms of a molecule,
I can lead a nation with a microphone,
I can end the planet in a holocaust.

I can do,
I can be;
The only thing I can't be,
is me.

What will I end up doing?
Who will I end up being?
I guess I'll find out.

Musings on a single grain of sand

Here's another one of mine. This one is actually rather recent. It's written to/about Laconia, a close friend of mine who wrote a poem shortly before I wrote this about the loneliness of a grain of sand. I wrote a poem to counter hers, and to cheer her up.

Musings on a single grain of sand:

There is little I can envy more
than a single grain of sand.
Minute pebble,
silently traveling the world,
filled with potential.
Unspoiled, pure.
One with the world
shaped by the world
leaving its impression,
forever on the world.

Where will it go?
What will it be?
An ocean of potential awaits.
Infinite experiences
both past and future
lap at human shores.
A pearl, radiating soft and milky love
A spotlight, shining perfection
A rose window, comforting and consoling
A glass toy, more relaxing compliment than lonely replacement
Infinite possibilities,
all existing at once.
All potential existing at once
within this one point of being.

This serene orb
leaves an indelible mark upon
all who harbor it,
changing their lives forever.
I know my life
will forever be better
from the passage
of that single grain of sand.
Some are irritated by it,
building up barriers and roadblocks
trying to stop this radiant grain.
Their futile struggle only makes
this grain stronger, more valuable,
and more beautiful.
(even though I don’t know how that’s possible)

The world would be far better
if there would be more grains of sand in it.
I would be far better
If I had a grain of sand
to accompany me into the world.